JB, JC, and JN.

If there are three people I love, they're Justin Bieber, Jesus, and Jami Nato. (And let's be honest. There are hundreds more. For the sake of this blog post, however, these three are the main focus!)

You've heard (ahem, read) me talk about Jami before (HERE and HERE, too) - about how the way she hears the gospel in the everyday, secular (not inherently meant to be gospel) songs speaks to me because I hear it too. Well, it's happened again. 

I love Justin Bieber and have since day one. (Day one = the first time I saw him in black and white singing during the credits of an MTV show.) I've been a fan through the good and bad. I'm loyal if nothing else. Anyway. I got my little mitts on Purpose this past Saturday. My favorite song on the album is called The Feeling and features Halsey. 

Sunday, the message at church was about God's love for us. His unconditional, never wavering, solid, set-in-stone love. It's one of those things that is so simple, and yet, we complicate it until it is warped into something that isn't even what it actually started as. We do that with the love of God. At least I do, and I know I'm not alone in that. 

Monday, my Facebook timeline was blowing up with everyone's opinions about the refugees trying to get to safety and whether or not we should allow them into our country and states. My heart is still heavy thinking about it. But instead of mouthing off here, I'm just letting the truth sink in.

Allow me to combine all of those random things you just read and try to have it all make sense. I was listening (obsessively, of course) to The Feeling on repeat. It was like I heard from the Lord. So many of Justin's new songs point to Him, but this one is a love song meant for a partner. The more I listen to it, the more I'm awakened by the questions and truths in it. I'm going to post the lyrics. Then I'll still try and explain what all this means and hope it makes an ounce of sense to anyone other than me.

                                        "The Feeling"

                                                 (feat. Halsey)

[Justin Bieber:]
You are to me
A part of me just like anatomy
You're pulling me
You're pulling me in like you're gravity

I'm notorious for thinking you're full of beautiful
Instead of hollow
Sugar on your lips, it's hard to kill
Jagged like a pill, so hard to swallow

[Justin Bieber & Halsey:]
Am I in love with you? Am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?
Trying to find the truth, trying to find the truth
Sometimes the heart is deceiving
Can't get out of my head, and I need you to save me
If I am delusional then maybe I'm crazy
In love with you, am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?

[Justin Bieber:]
You give to me
Everything, anything that I could dream
And at least that's what it seems
Could it be I don't know what's good for me?

I'm notorious for thinking you're full of beautiful
Instead of hollow
Sugar on your lips, it's hard to kill
Jagged like a pill, so hard to swallow

[Justin Bieber & Halsey:]
Am I in love with you? Am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?
Trying to find the truth, trying to find the truth
Sometimes the heart is deceiving
Can't get out of my head, and I need you to save me
If I am delusional then maybe I'm crazy
In love with you, am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?

[Justin Bieber:]
I'm sinking faster and faster
Between heaven and disaster
Sorry if I made you feel like
I'm standing on the borderline

[Justin Bieber & Halsey:]
Am I in love with you? Am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?
Trying to find the truth, trying to find the truth
Sometimes the heart is deceiving
Can't get out of my head, and I need you to save me
If I am delusional then maybe I'm crazy
In love with you, am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?

Y'all. I was going to strikethrough the words that didn't really speak to me, but once I listened and read the words in unison, there really weren't any for me to cross out. Let's see if I can try and explain what I heard as I listened with a full heart and mind.

• Originally, I felt like I was hearing the Lord in the chorus. "Am I in love with you? Am I in love with you? Or am I in love with the feeling?" I immediately felt a "WOW" happen in my heart and mind. Am I really, actually in love with the Lord? Or am I in love with the feelings I get from my small group friends/affirmation from people/the mountain-top summer-camp experiences? Am I really, actually seeking God? Am I seeking Who He is? His character? Or do I love the warm, fuzzy feelings I get from singing certain songs at church and reading nice quotes on Pinterest? Loving God isn't easy for our flesh, but that's because we complicate it. Love your neighbor as yourself (Leviticus 19:18; Matthew 22:37-39). "This is my command. Love each other." (John 15:17) The greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13).
• "Trying to find the truth, trying to find the truth, Sometimes the heart is deceiving, Can't get out of my head, and I need you to save me." The truth is plain and simple. My mind (oh boy, my mind) twists and tangles the truth until I'm confused and certain that I can't earn God's love because of reasons x, y, and z. The devil thrives on that crap (John 10:10; 1 Corinthians 14:33). Thankfully, there's no need for me to be able to earn anything. Why? Jesus. 
• "You give to me everything, anything I could dream." It's really fitting that this line would be on an album titled Purpose while I'm reading Restless by Jennie Allen and trying to decipher what the Lord has planned for me. If you've read or are reading this book, you totally get this. God has put dreams and passions in our hearts/minds/lives for a reason. Because He wants to use us to show His love to others. His glory is my only purpose. (Is it also my main goal?)
• "Sorry if I made you feel like I'm standing on the borderline." How often should I repent to the Lord for being lukewarm?!?! Holy cow. Constantly, if I'm being honest. I don't want to offend anyone, but I don't want people to not know that I love Jesus. I just straddle the no-conflict-please fence and hope for the best. Instead, I must be bold. About what? God's love for everyone ever.

Don't worry your pretty little hearts - I can still listen to the song and appreciate it for the love song that it is. When I write my novel(s), I'll likely have to thank JB for this song and how it inspires some relationship I pen to life. But today, right now, for this, it was like a sermon meant just  for me.

You are SO loved. Forever. Completely. No matter what. (All you have to do is receive it.)
Love,
Jessica
@jesstinybird

P.S. Justin + Halsey will be performing the song on the Today Show tomorrow! I'll be at work when they sing, I'm sure, but I'll share it everywhere as soon as it's posted online! :)